It's messy

The things I write on this blog are going to be messy.  My narrative will not be solely about biking across North America for 9 weeks, or about poverty.  It will be about those things, but it's also going to chart a journey that I have to take this spring: a journey without one of my biggest fans, a journey of grief and loss and trust.  It's messy.

At the end of August I started tossing the idea of the Sea to Sea around and was met with much affirmation.  All was well with our family (which is usually my number 1 criteria for an adventure) and I thought it would be fun.  My mom was especially encouraging.

Late November mom started to get really sick.  On December 5 she was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.  The entire time that she was sick, she pushed me to keep fundraising and training.  She insisted that no matter what the circumstances, I was getting on that plane, bike in tow, in June.  We disagreed.  As we became aware that her illness was progressing (regressing?) very fast, she insisted that I buy the bike and plane ticket.  She assured me she wouldn't be around in June so I should just make my plans.  That made me angry, and a bit relieved, because I wouldn't have to make a tough choice.  And then guilty for being relieved that she was dying so quickly.  See?  Messy.  

On February 23 she died, confirming my participation in the tour.  Mom pre-arranged her funeral, including that she wanted memorial donations to go to World Renew.  World Renew is one of the major recipients of our bike tour.  She loved Free a Family and the work of this agency.  Many people who have donated since her death did so in her honour.  I am honoured by that.  

My journey from ocean to ocean takes on new meaning this Spring.  Biking is solitary, and in some ways so is grief (and yet communal at the same time..)

Thank you for being part of this journey with me.